Saturday, June 22, 2013

Count your Blessings, even if they come with fear

July- wow! July is only one week away! It's hard to believe that in one week Paul and I have been married for three months(or a quarter of a year as we like to say.)
     It seems like just yesterday my family was ready for our stay in Tennessee, we had big plans to relax and take the boat out for a relaxing weekend on the water. Life decided to take a turn and let's just say that boat has unsuccessfully been attempted to be placed back in the water since that hot day July 4, 2012. As we placed the boat in the water we heard chaos on the dock, it appeared there was an emergency and there was. Two young boys lost their lives that day and our lives were forever changed. I still frequently think of those boys and their fanilie and remind myself that in the blink of an eye, that can all change. Soon will be a one year anniversary of this tragedy and as my family steps into a new challenge next week, I will remember that God is in control. While it wasn't ideal that those two precious babies lost their lives, their families carry their legacy.
     July 1.....July 1.....July 1, I keep repeating it to myself as of my feelings will change. As if my anxiety will disappear. After almost four months of trying to repair damage in my fathers heart. It is unknown how his heart was damaged but it was and part of his heart was only pumping at 10% when normal is 50%. As you can imagine, it's been  a time full of anxiety and stress.
    As I prepared for my wedding, I found myself filled with emotion, what if my father didnt or couldn't walk me down the aisle? But how could I be thinking that when so many young women were in this reality and it wasn't even the situation, still I was in fear. I prayed and I cried and I felt most days I was on repeat. After medications were doubled and I enjoyed every moment I could, we finally discovered this week that although he is feeling better, his number has only increased by 8%, not enough. So here we are again.
    July 1......July 1.......July 1, my father at the young age of 52 will have a defibrillator placed inside of his body to assist his heart in keeping a rhythm and potentially save his life in the event that he has a cardiac arrest. Wow, what a mouth full! Today it hit me like a ton of bricks. Words can't even express just how I feel. But, I must count my blessings! My dad is able to receive the treatment he deserves. My dad will be just fine! While it is so very easy to thibk the worst, I an not concinced God is finished with him just yet. My husband reminded me that God has a plan, he created the medications and the needs to help. I'm putting my Faith in The Lord. While we often have no idea where we are going or what we are doing, there are few things that are certain: God, Love, Family
   May God Bless and Keep You in this month of July!